{"id":288,"date":"2023-03-02T20:13:38","date_gmt":"2023-03-02T20:13:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/jolenekinser.com\/?p=288"},"modified":"2024-03-11T23:27:20","modified_gmt":"2024-03-11T23:27:20","slug":"are-you-in-conflict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jolenekinser.com\/zh_hk\/are-you-in-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You in Conflict?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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During my years of teaching conflict resolution in China, numerous people said to me, \u201cI don\u2019t have conflicts with others.\u201d Being an American, the comment puzzled me. I wondered, how is it possible to never be in conflict with others? Don\u2019t we all have conflicts? I started to wonder if we defined conflict differently.<\/p>\n

One day when meeting up with a group of students to discuss conflict and peacemaking, I had an \u201caha\u201d moment of understanding. A student described conflict as an explosion, an eruption between two people that results in a shameful breakdown of relationship. I thought to myself, if this is what people think conflict is, then the assertion that some people don\u2019t have conflict with others now makes sense to me! I began to see that, conceptually, conflict only exists when action is taken\u2014when someone visibly explodes. That\u2019s conflict. Yet biblically speaking, I have understood conflict as starting in an unseen place first: \u201cWhat causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions\u00a0are\u00a0at war within you?\u201d (James 4:1). I began to wonder, where does the \u201cexplosion and shame\u201d view of conflict come from?<\/p>\n

I found roots to an answer when researching what Confucius had to say about conflict:<\/p>\n

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  1. \u201cConflict can always be avoided if one strives to conform with nature by cultivating one\u2019s understanding and adjusting one\u2019s action in a proper way with respect to a propitious time.\u201d<\/li>\n
  2. Conflict is \u201cindicative of the weakness of an individual or a community of individuals in their failure to appreciate the intricacies of change and consequently to control or discipline themselves for making conformity to nature possible.\u201d<\/li>\n
  3. \u201cAny conflict that one experiences in society is basically that between the self-interest of petty persons and the good virtues of the superior man.\u201d1<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Essentially, Confucius indicated that only weak, petty people who are self-interested and fail to control or discipline themselves\u2014who fail to live in accord with natural laws\u2014have conflicts with others. So, if you are in conflict with someone else, this indicates weakness and selfishness. \u00a0Since no one wants to be seen as weak, petty, selfish, and undisciplined, people subconsciously avoid any outward demonstrations of conflict as much as possible.<\/p>\n

    This is a big deal. Culturally speaking, one of the implicitly understood differences between a morally superior and an inferior person is whether one engages in visible conflict with others. Practically speaking, this means that, when in a Chinese cultural context, if I openly go into conflict with someone or openly acknowledge that conflict exists between me and another person, everyone around me implicitly understands this to be inappropriate, negative, and morally inferior, even shameful behavior. Personally, I might also feel ashamed. This fundamental understanding of the results of going into visible conflict with someone may partially explain the conflict-avoidance tendency of many Chinese people.<\/p>\n

    But does avoiding demonstrative conflict mean there is peace? No. Someone whom I interviewed for my dissertation research described a general understanding of reconciliation in this way,<\/p>\n

    \nReconciliation refers to no longer having explosive conflicts; everyone seems to be at peace with each other, but the problems haven\u2019t been resolved. They have simply been left there, concealed. One never knows when the issue will explode again.2<\/sup><\/a><\/span>\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

    Most likely very few of us are consciously aware that we view conflict through a lens, whether a Confucian-tinted lens or another cultural lens. What we believe about conflict has been so internalized that most people simply label it as just the way things are. As Christians in China study biblical peacemaking, many have had personal \u201caha\u201d moments as well\u2014they now see that conflict starts in the heart, and that avoiding addressing the root heart issues in order to \u201cavoid conflict\u201d only results in the heart conflict remaining. Learning that there are ways to address conflict that has already started in the heart but not yet exploded has been good news indeed.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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    Note<\/strong>: This blog post contains content from Jolene\u2019s yet to be published book:\u00a0Changing Normal: Overcome Barriers to Resolving Conflict, Start Reconciling Relationships<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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    This blog post was first published on February 20, 2023 at\u00a0China Source.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

    Image credit: Courtesy of the author.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n

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    Endnotes<\/strong><\/h3>\n
      \n
    1. Chung-Ying Cheng, \u201cToward Constructing a Dialectics of Harmonization: Harmony and Conflict in Chinese Philosophy,\u201d\u00a0Journal of Chinese Philosophy\u00a0<\/em>33, no. 1 (2006): 31, 44-5. Emphasis added.<\/li>\n
    2. <\/span>Li Jie (pseudonym), author interview<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n\n\t\t\t<\/div> \n\t\t<\/div>\n\t<\/div> \n<\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"During my years of teaching conflict resolution in China, numerous people said to me, \u201cI don\u2019t have conflicts with others.\u201d Being an American, the comment puzzled me. 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